What's really going on backstage ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- cliMaX My eyes are swollen again this morning. I cried my eyes out again last night listening to the cd my friend Key gave me for my birthday which seems to fit so perfect to how I've been feeling. It hurts so much because I CAN'T BELIEVE HE WENT THROUGH WITH IT. He actually married someone else and gave her his last name. Had a great talk with Rachy yesterday. She helped me to see that I made the choices that I made and I can't blame anyone for that. Then I have to think to myself, my choices weren't without reason. He dragged my heart through the mud, he broke me so bad again and again. Maybe he knew that no matter what he did, I would always take him back and like a spoiled child took advantage of that instead of using it as motivation to appreciate having someone who loves you that much. I can't list all the things we went through, I don't want to keep a record of wrongs. All I can say or want to realize is that it's over. He's married now and that is it. I was really struggling over my lil sis and he was no where to be found. I needed him and he wasn't there. That is not a friend. Maybe we were just about sex and that is it. He says that isn't the case because we have hardly been together the entire time we have known each other and have spent more time on the phone than anything else. Oh well doesn't matter now. We both played our parts and this time it's really over and there is no going back. What does light have in common with darkness and no one can serve two masters. My fault for putting my hand to the plow and looking back. I am just now able to melt the stone that I have turned into as a result. oh S, I will move on as I have before, hopefully I won't be trying to find me another you like in the past. Why do I feel like this is not the end? Because it never is... All I know is that history repeats itself and we always come back to each other. I wish you never said all the things you said to me these last two years. I'm sure you meant well but being bad feels good. Fire and Desire. You could've called but instead you said I'll always be on your mind in some way. So I guess maybe for both of us fantasy is better than reality and we'd rather keep each other in our dreams than in our every day lives. So much for first love. - 2012-04-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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