What's really going on backstage ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- \"you look like an angel.\" It's a nEw YeAr. sorry for the lack of writings.... haven't had the words so I just let the videos do the talking for me. It's cheating I know. It's crazy though, haven't been able to write lately even though so much has happened. Just trying to do the right thing ya know and knowing what that is isn't always clear. I think I thought that "it" had to go away in order for me to be ok. "It" being those feelings inside that I know shouldn't be there. What I have seen though is that it never really goes away. Sure it is not like this big flame of something I must have but it's this quiet spark, kinda like a pilot light. All it would take is more fuel and it could grow larger but as long as there is nothing on the stove it's just this small burning in my heart. He told me how beautiful I was last night and made me feel so appreciated. Then he looked back at me and I caught him looking my way. It's just funny how with certain people your just cool and with certain other people there is just this chemistry there that cannot be denied. What it is supposed to end up to is sometimes nothing. But there is nothing like that feeling. As I grow further and further from where I was and I see things for what they really are, I fight to be vulnerable, I fight to be in the light. I fight to see what is there instead of what isn't. Don't know what the future holds but know that I write the sentences but God can interject at anytime and insert ellipsis wherever he may see fit and surrendered I must be. Here's to liking where I am at and to seeing clearly. cheers! - 2009-01-01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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