What's really going on backstage

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the sheer heart

I think in the grand scheme of things
I have not looked at it
this gift of transformation
this hope
I was taken out of a dark and dank place
and was given that stone to stand on
but yet it's like "oh yeah, uh huh, whatever"
would I even have a heart
if it weren't for this
or would it just be this hard rock
my ability to love has vastly improved
as well as my ability to take joy in gentle things
in a way I haven't been able to since I was
a child

Sure, I believe in love
but it is this belief in the possiblities
that needs to be embraced
for the rain rain rain
would not be so beautiful
had this not have been

but yet I send it away
looking for an old friend

the colors of my heart
are no longer just pink and black
but there are shades imminently
forming everyday with every way
and every blessing that hits
this earthly ground

wow

all that I have been given
and I don't even know it
what is sadder than that
is not even expressing it
in a way that shows
and that others may feel warmed by

this is my reality
this is my disclosure complete
I sent the bunnygirl
a piece of me
and was in awe of the beauty
hoping one day
I won't let this appreciation
of this transformation escape me

- 2009-01-09

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