What's really going on backstage

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Breaking the Ties that bind

I love SS very much.

But.

We have to just be friends and that is all.

I was ready to compromise, in my head I thought maybe there was a way I could still be a Christian and still be in a relationship with him, or if all else fails just give up on christianity and pick up later after we are married and living together. I really went that far in my heart. Somehow I get that warped in my mind.

The scriptures are evidently clear. I can't know what I know and turn my back on it for ANYTHING. It is the best thing I ever had or EVER will have.

I got a preview of who I would be if I were to be with him and it was ADDICTED.
I started to feel like I picked up the chains only to put it back on my neck and hands. It started to feel so heavy and my eyes had bags and were swollen. I felt like the darkness was starting to take me over and I didn't want to be around people and tried to avoid any conversation that asks how am I doing.

This is the truth of the matter.

I cannot become one with one that leads his life according to his flesh and his own understanding. In the end, where will be both end up? I have to be strong for both of us and keep the faith. Maybe I will be the only one in his life that he will witness to be a true follower of Christ no matter what I had to give up. Because ultimately it is not about me but about God. If I ever want him to know God I need to hang on. I need pray and believe, not compromise. I know the glory of God will shine in my life and hopefully one day he can witness it. It is just crazy how some people just love to stay in the darkness and mock anyone who wants to live righteously. He knows it is not in his power to be able to live that way even if he wanted to. I pray that one day in God's timing the eyes of his heart may be hungry to know the true living God who creates everything for our enjoyment. God really is so good, we are the sinners unworthy. I am so blessed to have the chance to truly know the Lord, not just a far away illusion of what God is supposed to be, but really know him.

The whole point of a relationship is to help each other get to heaven and to glorify God to the world. Anything else we need we only truly gain from Christ.
(Unconditional love, intimacy, hope, joy, fulfillment, food, shelter)

How could I possibly be in a relationship with someone who mocks righteousness? I love him but he does not love God. I want a man who not only fears God but loves God and his word for real! I have faith one day he will become a disciple of Christ. I just have to wear my armor everyday and do the will of my father in heaven.

One day when I least expect it Love, real Love will find me.

- 2011-02-06

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