What's really going on backstage ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wedding Picture- I snooped. I thought it would allow me to see it and accept it in order to move on. Boy was I wrong. I've cried myself sick today. It's become a pattern. I am having a really hard time accepting this. How could you tell me all the things you told me and actually go through with marrying her? Was it for security? Was it because you felt like you couldn't be without Sex, even for 6months? I really was not worth it to you. Even though I just wanted what was best for you and nothing is better than having a relationship with God. I know I will be ok. God is so good to me. I hope you are genuinely happy. I hope that you don't feel like you just settled for what was right in front of you out of fear or convenience. You did say you could see yourself growing old with her. I gave you too much of my heart once again even though 13yrs ago I swore to myself I wouldn't give it to you ever again. Well, you knew how to talk your way out of that one. It hurts so bad. I gotta make that appointment with a Counselor. I really need to get this need for you out of my system for good, I mean you are married now. I want so bad to contact you but I can't. There really would be no point except to dig this whole deeper. I was so sad I even talked to my Dad the one that caught us kissing when I was 14 and you were 17. Whoa! What a night that was. I figured what is the harm in him knowing about us know, We will never be again, it's all the past now. I know I have hurt you and you have hurt me and were never meant to be. Trying to force it would both just make us both terribly miserable. I don't know if you guys are going to last or not, Guess it doesn't really matter. Because what matters is that I told you how I felt how I wanted to be with you but God's way, not man's way and you rejected. You wanted to be together based on emotion and lust and that wouldn't have gotten us very far. So maybe you are happy with your house and your car and the sons that are not yours. I hope you realize that we could've had our own children, material things and then some but that wouldn't have been our happiness. God would've been our anchor and joy. So right now he has to be mine without you and I must surrender and say "It is well, It is well with my soul" Love Always, 3:58 p.m. - 2012-04-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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