What's really going on backstage ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Escaped Courage I just want to escape but what is it that I want to escape from. I finally feel as though I am over Endy and all those up and down emotions that went with it. I learned a lot about myself through it and realized that I can't have a relationship with someone who is that young and who just doesn't get it. It has been freeing indeed. I feel great but then why this desire to escape. I really am an addict. When the woman spoke of addicts and how they are all about the feel goods all the time, I saw myself. I am an addict and everything that goes with it. So maybe it's been half a year since I've had any alcohol, I know that is just because of going to chemical recovery with my friend who asked me to be her sponsor. The list of what an addict was matched me to much to deny it. Let's just face it I have had many undesirable and shameful consequences that have come with my drinking, but yet that did not stop me from returning. I thought of Endy and how I think he is such a coward for not going back to CR but then I think of myself going and I am fearful. Maybe when I truly face my behaviors only then I can I accept real truth and won't feel this urge to escape. I must go after it but for now I really need to be there for my friend and her needs. Let her know how much I have seen my own need to go myself. Let the journey begin in 2008 to face my real self. - 2008-01-16 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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